September 26, 2009 at 8:26 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Unfortunately we can’t purchase communication skills, confidence, and/or “true love” for that matter and acquiring it can be a never ending struggle for many. If your wealthy, privileged, or famous, you may definitely have a better chance of acquiring, or faking these factors but it is in no way guaranteed that you get them in your life.
However, one thing that we can work on is our communication skills. I believe half of communication is actually just engaging in “small talk” and being inquisitive which can make a conversation grow. Honesty is really important because it allows you to be yourself. I believe way to many people lie nowadays to make themselves feel more important or to take advantage of others.
Unfortunately, if two people are attracted to each other enough, none of this may matter at first because the goal might be a physical one but here is where most people can get into trouble. I hope I don’t have to tell people out there to be safe and really get to know someone before you fall in love with them. Many men are prone to this but so are women because both men and women like attractive people especially within our image/status obsessed and commodified society where plastic surgery is becoming like a trip to McDonalds. Hell, we are literally making ourselves into plastic action figures. For me personally, I love a woman’s natural appearance and am not fond of accessories either but I won’t judge women because they are socialized into a product based culture. So are men for that matter so we are both to blame for continuing the cycle.
Ok, I am going off topic here so back to good old communication. Well, communication is our “superior” trait as human beings. We have used it for thousands of years and developed a multitude of languages all for the purpose of, you guessed it, procreation. So why is communication being done more electronically? Why can’t we express ourself to the people we care about? Why do we vilify others who may “talk funny” or might not talk at all? Well, communication has also been used for war and to promote violence which is a corrupt side of humanity and shows how we are prone to decay morally. This is why we must be sensitive to those we care about when we speak. I personally love when I get compliments from women and when women spend time to chat with me. It shows interest, compassion, intelligence, and good will. These are the building blocks to a good relationship in my book and breeds cooperation. This is what I look for in a mate and I am sure that many out there do too. I hope…
So build your communication skills. If you aren’t a very nice or decent person, work on yourself and try to change the best you can. It may be hard but if you want to build trust with people, especially intelligent people, you are going to need positive, validating, and affirming communication skills. This is not to be confused with “brown nosing” or “a$$-kissing”. This type of behavior can limit and blur your boundaries and you don’t want to be with someone that you constantly have to please and worse, is unappreciative. Be happy and proud to be you because you are the only one who will ever feel your pain. Good communication can even help with loneliness because you can write how you feel or email and/or call a friend when your feeling down.
Lastly, read allot! Knowledge can make life interesting and can prepare you for the world. Read about everything including society, politics, religion, science, and technology but keep the ignorant judgement calls to yourself because some people can call you out better then a criminal defense lawyer! Anyway, this knowledge will help you when things go bad or when you run out of topics to talk about. In addition, find a mate who likes to talk or if shy, is willing to let you help them communicate. Sadly, women aren’t encouraged to speak their minds so I think it is a good idea to support a woman’s opinion while pointing out where she may be wrong in a compassionate way of course. Woman, although gaining more political and social ground and who may not be so nice sometimes, suffer a great deal just like men do if not worse historically. We are two representations of the human being and we can’t get through life healthy without each other’s support, encouragement, and dare I say “love”? Only if it’s a “smart love” and that can only be built though communication.
July 27, 2009 at 7:25 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
Tags: unconditional love
Why have many men been unrealistically kind to women who might attack their character and/or vilify them? Why might he offer unconditional love to someone that doesn’t feel the same way?
I think that we are conditioned to want something that is unattainable, not because of human nature but because of what the dominant society or culture says we should want in a mate. Men should be aggressive, confident, and cocky while “chasing” the female and women should be quiet, coy, and “wait” for the advances and “mating dance” of the male. This is what is considered “normal” despite all of the advances women have made socially and politically. The truth is that human beings vary in behavior and what is good for the goose may not be good for the gander or what one woman or man responds to, might not be what another subscribes to especially in regards to other cultures. I am still waiting for both men and woman to get more creative and “think” for themselves instead of trying to fill a mold taught by schools, churches, family, and friends. After all we have invented so much in our short existence on this planet.
How did we loose the simple ability for man and woman to cooperate in a committed relationship. We are two parts of a whole. Why do we trivialize that and make it more difficult for ourselves? Society as a whole will be allot better off if men and women could be more honest and caring with one another. Being “nice” isn’t being weak. One is supposed to be nice and caring to your mate. That is what promotes survival not only for each other but for potential offspring as well.
April 27, 2008 at 1:03 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
I have had many conversations, and arguments for that matter, about this seemingly very basic emotion called “love”. We all know that it can feel very good to have someone love us and how it feels when we are able to return that love but, how can we really harness it’s power? How can we constantly live in it’s comfort and be offered some protection by it’s energy. I have said many times that I wish not to discuss love with many people because they are often hung up on the concept of romantic love but I honestly cannot blame them.
Romance makes life enjoyable and fun but as we all know, it can also bring close friendships to an end when not handled properly or when many of life’s unfortunate circumstances create a situation where our relationships have to end. Romantic love fires up our passions and like any raging flames can grow out of control causing intended or unintended damage. This is why I myself am sometimes speculative of romantic love at first however, I must admit that I have fallen many times into it’s spell especially when I have met someone that heightens my senses and seeks out my attention in an honest way. I have jumped into the fire of love and have logically been burned like I am sure many of us have in our lives. In looking back, I feel I was looking for more of an intimate, deeper, connection first while my past potential partners where looking for a more practical type of romance.
So how should we approach this concept, feeling, idea of love. As an artist and urban philosopher, I personally feel that love is the ultimate creative energy. From love, civilizations, populations, and technological advances have been developed. However, in the many instances, when it went unchecked, and when the negativity of man took over, this creative energy turned into a selfish power of control, greed, envy, and hatred. I think that at looking at this dialectic, we can begin to see the true power love has for not only ourselves, but towards all of life.
According to my understanding of love, I think that it takes many years of partnership and a commitment to truly understand it’s power and it’s many “particles and fragments”. Love is truly a journy through space and time. One must swim through the streaming thoughts of another’s consciouness patiently to achieve that unltimate intimacy. I truly feel that when this is fianlly realized, all of the little “pet peives”, frustrations, annoyances, and judgments that tend to cloud our relationships with others will eventually vanish into the void from which they came. In order to start on this journey through inquiry, we have to start looking at love through a microscope. Hopefully we will all benefit from it’s all encompassing structure.
March 23, 2008 at 5:21 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
With the internet and growing populations that are more mobile then ever before, we are constantly coming into contact with different personalities, characters, and ideas. We are also undoubtedly coming into contact with people’s emotions both negative or positive. Many people genuinely want to be liked and accepted and will follow whatever norm their social group subscribes to. It is rare to find independent thinkers. However, when you choose to think for yourself, be honest, and act accordingly there are many people who will have a problem with that. In many relationships, there is a power struggle and one person often wants control of the other or the rest of the group. When this control is challenged, conflict can result. I feel that this is the cause of many relationship issues especially with those ending in divorce and in the growing divide between men and women. Many people who let their ego dominate their lives are generally selfish and fail to see how respecting others will bring respect back to them. They fail to see how rare honest respect and loyalty is in an increasingly globalized world based on the “individual” quest for wealth and privilege. Often, in my experiences with others and especially in relationships, they realize this too late and the relationship ends for good. Life is short and many people like me understandably do not want to waste their lives with people who only think of themselves and offer zero support or solutions in life, especially when it is offered to them constantly.
I personally know that no one is perfect and I know first hand how difficult life can be especially when faced with life threatening issues like violence and sickness. This is why I try to be patient with people and more so with women because I would like to find a mutually respectful relationship. However, I also know that many people do not choose to improve on themselves and like to vilify and condemn others sometimes for no reason. In my life, I have been taken advantage of, excluded, feared, hated, and threatened but I have also been liked, praised, loved, and respected. Both experiences helped me see the dialectic in life and the opposing forces that make us who we are. Without the negative, I could never see the positive. I had to understand that the hate I experienced, created the love I come to know and seek out in others.
March 8, 2008 at 7:02 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
Imagine if we didn’t live a modern life full of technology, prepared foods, and designer clothes. How would men and women relate to one another? Would we have all of the relationships issues that seem dominate our lives in these modern times? Or, would our interactions with each other be a bit simpler and straight forward? It is impossible for us to go back in time when we lived more intimately with nature and even in this day and age, agrarian and hunter gatherer societies are very few and/or are disappearing with the modernization characteristic of Globalization. So how to we get our intimacy back not only with nature but with each other? How can we get back that basic need that men and women respond to and which helps to promote our survival as human beings?
Obviously, for many people, it comes fairly easy and may be identified as “true love”. For others, it is a never ending quest to find that one person that fits the “image of true love”. I think that there is a difference. First, the “image of true love” is just that, an image. It is a manufactured “product of popular media, our ideal fantasy, and our obsession with perfection as a culture. If a potential mate doesn’t fit this image that we have created, with the help of outside influence of course, then we will dismiss him or her without thinking twice. It is almost a reflex that has been conditioned into our everyday thinking. For example, a particular male might reject a woman because she doesn’t have blue eyes, regardless of her otherwise positive characteristics. Likewise, a woman may reject a man who is a couple of inches shorter ignoring the fact that he may be a great lover and friend. The plain and simple fact is that no man or woman is perfect. We all have flaws whether they are genetic or physical. Science says that no organism is perfect and religions claim this as well so why should we put this pressure on ourselves and those around us? I feel that true love is acceptance of our imperfections and of those around us. That humility is the most attractive trait anyone can have. Is it easy to do in this modern world? I think that it has never been easy but we do have to work harder to keep up with the times. In addition, it is something we have a lifetime to improve.
In mindfully achieving this acceptance, I feel that we slowly grow closer to intimacy with all living things and this connection can do wonders for any relationship. In this world of expensive products made from plastic, metals, and synthetic substances, authentic love can never be contained and sold. It will always remain a free flowing energy that enters only those that believe in it’s existence and are careful with it’s power.
February 18, 2008 at 9:21 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
The quote, “all is fair in love and war”, always seemed a bit off to me. It seemed like a blanket statement allowing people to disrespect others and play with their emotions. I feel that at the core of relationships, like war, is a struggle for power. Maybe it’s the powerlessness of our own history, family life, or past relationships that fuel this need for it. In addition, it can also be our ego that fuels our power struggles and in a culture that capitalizes on egocentric views, this can be hard to break free from. However, I feel that in order to have a truly “democratic” relationship, one must free themselves from this egocentric quest for power that has been triggered in many of us. This doesn’t mean that one should abandon their beliefs, ideas, and opinions. On the contrary, one should respect the other person enough to allow them to express themselves and be open to learning about someone else’s experiences, knowledge, and expertise. Too many individuals are defensive about what they do not understand in other people. Others like to judge in order to feel superior. No relationship can survive in this kind of environment where “out doing” the other person becomes a game. Competitiveness is ok in life to a certain degree but when it becomes detrimental to others and even whole populations, it can become destructive not only to the person or group but even to the environment that sustains us. Lately, I have been feeling that all of this competition in society is creating a bad environment not only for relationships, but for our handling of life issues. It is creating a small amount of “winners” and a larger amount of “losers”. Those who benefit from being accepted by more people or who conform to the standards of what brings capital and resources will have a better chance of “winning” or may side with the “winners”. The “losers”, who may not be “losers” at all, just different, or non-conforming, may not benefit from access to the “better things in life”. However, it’s my belief that this cannot go on forever and eventually our own competitiveness and lust for material wealth at the loss of others will ultimately lead to our own destruction. No population or person can survive if it can’t sustain itself. In order to sustain itself, it must cooperate with others in whatever environment it encounters. A power hungry individual that basis his/her life on privilege and prestige cannot sustain themselves because human beings need to be social to survive and others may not accept their intolerance. Even if one is a “loner” one ultimately needs other perspectives, support, ideas, and activities to truly be a functional, happy, and intelligent human being capable of contributing to society and the human race. Those that “buy” into the philosophy of power, privilege, materialism, unsustainable ideologies, and selfishness cannot continue to “win” for long. Sooner or later “the law of competition” will catch up and there will be someone stronger, faster, more intelligent, or healthier. The “normalizing” of competition for superiority is at the root of our problems with relationships and conflict resolution I feel. The truth of the matter is that in most modern societies, “nothing is fair in love and war”.
January 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
This is a question one often hears in the media including television shows and magazine publications. I won’t name any names but I am sure you can guess which shows and magazines. Well, the plain and simple truth is that good men are out there. They have always been around. They are at the local Universities getting a degree even at an older age because of the unemployment rate. They are the local super market trying to buy good, affordable, food so they can eat healthy while having enough money to take a nice woman out. They are learning a martial art that most have never heard of in order to improve their own discipline and piece of mind. They are online secretly learning about woman so they can know what to say to them when they do meet someone nice. Good is a relative term. No one person is totally good or bad. We all make mistakes but what makes a “good” man is not economics, social status, or privilege. It is his character and his gentle, understanding nature. It is his ability to defend those who cannot defend themselves. It is his passion and spiritual side. A good man is sort of a recluse. He is not found in bars, clubs, and amongst the cliche “in” crowd. He forms his own opinions and can see through most lies because he is also honest and loyal. He is intolerant of those who use power, privilege, and economic gain to attack the poor, weak, and socially isolated. The good man doesn’t usually ask out every woman in site because he is not a womanizer. Much to the dismay of most woman, the good man can seem aloof, arrogant, or not interested. This is because he has a deep intellect and soul. He recognizes that it is something very rare and is careful who he shares it with. He lives his life sort of like a monk in deep thought. He has allot to share with a woman who doesn’t necessarily have to be perfect, however she must aspire to be just, kind, and conscious just like he is. In most modern societies, we can loose focus and become disillusioned with the negative things that man has created. Man’s Biological nature can distort his image as a thinking being which has choices in personal matters. The good man knows this and strives to “do the right thing” even if he knows he may make a mistake. In consumer based societies, we equate good men with money, power, and status. This image is produced on the television and indeed most people have “bought” into this idea. It must be understood that when a good man comes out of poverty, he knows how important it is to not give into materialism. He is a good judge of people and makes very few, but really close, friends. He knows that most people can’t help but be individualistic and greedy. There is nothing he can do but change himself and accept the world as it is. So the next time someone asks, “Where are all the good men?” You can tell them can that they are only a “Hello” away.